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The Strengths Trap: How Overplaying Your Strengths Harms Trust (Part II)

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Part I of this blog described how over-emphasizing the trust-building factors in the Trust Equation without balancing your self-orientation can actually hurt your trustworthiness. It also identified many internal and external triggers that might increase self-orientation.

In this post, we explore specific actions you can take to avoid over-playing your strengths.

The Goldilocks Effect

Source: “Stop Overdoing Your Strengths,” Kaplan and Kaiser, HBR Magazine, February 2009

In a Harvard Business Review article, “Stop Overdoing Your Strengths” (HBR Magazine, February 2009), authors Robert E. Kaplan and Robert B. Kaiser explored the impact of the leadership trait forcefulness on leaders’ overall effectiveness.

The plotted results of their research shows that overplaying a strength can be just as dangerous as underplaying it.

When it comes to being trustworthy, optimizing the trust equation may seem akin to the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears: what’s too little, what’s too much, and what’s just right?

Self-orientation is an important counterweight to overplaying our trust-building strengths.

The key is balance: being able to demonstrate your strengths while keeping your self-orientation low so your overall trustworthiness increases.

Managing Self-Orientation

Lowering self-orientation to combat over-playing our strengths starts with self-awareness, noticing when internal or external pressures trigger us to focus on ourselves. Internal pressures include things like ego, fear, complacency, and personal agendas. External pressures include things like deadlines, sales and performance targets, distractions, and issues at work or home.

The antidote to overplaying our strengths is lowering self-orientation, first by recognizing when your self-orientation is high, then shifting your focus to something other than yourself.

While it sounds simple, this takes ego strength.

Once you are aware of what triggers your self-orientation to go up, you can adapt your behavior. Here are some tips to avoid over-playing each trust-building strengths:

Counter arrogance with humility.

Humility is often interpreted as timidity, but a more appropriate interpretation is recognizing how you fit into something larger than yourself. Two ways to practice humility are:

  • Open-mindedness – hear others out fully and without judgment before proposing a solution. Respect their knowledge and contributions and consider their inputs. People will see your open-mindedness as increasing your credibility.
  • Curiosity – explore their point of view with them before offering a different perspective. A great opening phrase might be, “Help me understand where you’re coming from.”

Counter control with tolerance.

Tolerance means accepting something you don’t agree with; it also means enduring something that feels unpleasant. When we are fully committed to one particular way of doing something, it’s hard to accept – or even see – viable alternatives. Two ways to practice tolerance are:

  • Check your perspective – when you find yourself struggling because things aren’t happening the way you think they should, pause and ask yourself if your approach is the only valid one. If the overall goal is being met, even if it isn’t how you expect or want it to be, then consider changing your perspective instead of trying to change to situation.
  • Grace – give others (and yourself) grace to make mistakes, to change the plan, and to be able to achieve the goal in their own way. Trusting others requires relinquishing some control. If you never give up control to someone else, what might they infer about how much you trust them?

Counter appeasement and intrusiveness with sharing.

When our natural tendency is to create connection with others, we may push too hard for them to share with us, or we may feel pressure to agree with them (regardless of our point of view). Two ways to practice sharing are:

  • Go first – To avoid appeasing: if you tend to keep quiet when you disagree with what someone says, consider sharing your point of view before others share theirs so you don’t have to worry about seeming disagreeable if your point of view differs. To avoid intrusiveness: before asking someone to share something personal, share something about yourself so they feel more comfortable sharing in return.
  • Create context – it’s easy to forget that others don’t necessarily know what we are thinking. Create context by framing your perspective or questions in a positive way, focusing on the mutual benefit to you and the other person. It will feel less threatening to you and to them.

To borrow from a famous C.S. Lewis quote on humility, low self-orientation is not thinking less of ourselves; it is thinking of ourselves less.

How will you lower your self-orientation to let your trust-building strengths shine through?

Trust-Based Resources to Maximize Your Team’s Potential:

Pain Is Inevitable, Suffering Is Optional

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I recently listened to Howard Stern’s interview with (Sir) Paul McCartney. One part stood out. Howard asked Paul about multiple instances where John Lennon had been cruel towards McCartney; didn’t he feel treated unfairly, hurt, resentful, Howard asked?

Paul essentially replied that no, that was just John being John, that once you accepted that as part of his personality, it was not hard to move on from such moments. After all, as McCartney reminded Stern, John Lennon had had a fairly difficult upbringing, and it would have been hard not to have been scarred.

Stern complimented McCartney on his generosity of spirit, but remained skeptical; “Sometimes you’ve just got to protect yourself,” he said. McCartney didn’t contradict Howard, but made it clear that his earlier statement stood – that was just John being John, and once you accepted it as part of the package of half of the greatest songwriting team of all time, it wasn’t hard to continue without feeling harmed.

What Paul McCartney spoke to there is what I learned some time ago as an OBG (Oldie But Goodie) one-liner (I’ll have several more OBG’s to share in this post). And yes, it has something to do with trust; we’ll get there. The core idea is that you’re always going to be hurt. But, how long you let that hurt simmer and fester is not a function of the degree of hurt, or of the inflictor of the pain, but of our own ability to get over things.

Suffering Is Optional

I’ve seen a few extreme cases over the years – infidelity, loss of a loved one, needless cruelty by a stranger to a beloved pet – where the “victim” was able to recover in what most of us would consider a remarkably short period of time – a matter of days in those cases. And I do mean recover – fully. To forgive (while not forgetting); to be free of ill will and obsession with the harm done.

Suffering, in such cases, is closely tied up with concepts like blame and resentment. We indulge ourselves with blame and resentment at our own peril. Another of my favorite OBG’s: “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” They never do, but we continue to suffer – at our own hands, because resentment and suffering are, past some initial point, matters of our own choosing, self-inflicted.

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, in a memorable TED Talk, describes how this is a choice available to all of us. Another OBG, this one from friend Phil McGee: “Blame is captivity, responsibility is freedom.” Blaming others is just another neurotic obsession which enslaves us; freedom comes when we accept personal responsibility for what is our doing, and let go the rest.

The “letting go” part is expressed in yet another OBG, this one from the religious tradition: “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.” Blaming is yet another form of faux vengeance, of us attempting to play God by acting like we’re in control of what we’re powerless over. You don’t have to be an atheist to know that playing God is cosmically inappropriate behavior.

The Tie to Trust

And what’s this got to do with trust? Suffering, by this way of thinking, is an internal obsession. It represents the height of self-absorption, or high self-orientation in the Trust Equation. High self-orientation reduces trustworthiness. It traps us in our own interior representation of reality, and keeps us from virtues like empathy, curiosity, and ability to connect with others.

But reduced trustworthiness is not the end of it. Suffering also keeps us trapped in a self-reinforcing circle of paranoia and suspicion of others, thereby reducing our ability to trust others. If we can’t trust others, the odds of them trusting us are dramatically reduced. Ergo suffering reduces net trust.

Nobody has the power to take away your ability to suffer. You can indulge in it if you choose. But you can also choose not to suffer. And nobody has the power to take that away from you either.

To end on another OBG one-liner, this one from William Shakespeare: “Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” Choose wisely.

Are You Self-Promotion Avoidant?

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Have you ever felt compelled to share positive information about yourself with a boss or supervisor and – instead – developed lock-jaw, unable to get the words out? Your mind starts to spin into thoughts like, “What if it just sounds arrogant? I don’t want to be perceived as an egomaniac!”

And so, in an instant, you talk yourself out of sharing information that can be valuable to you AND the organization as a whole, all because we’re culturally conditioned to avoid self-promotion.

Self-promotion can be Good

Sharing strengths and successes can help organizations identify and understand how to leverage their employee base in the best way to achieve great outcomes. If leaders don’t know how their employees are succeeding and what their strengths and interests are, they don’t know how to leverage, motivate and properly develop them.

The result of not sharing our strengths and successes is unfulfilled team members, disengagement and even lack of innovation.

So Why Does It Feel Bad?

While we can rationally understand the very real benefits, most of us still avoid self-promotion because it seems so, well…self-centered. That avoidance stems from fear – a roadblock that puts a hard stop to being our most authentic, thriving selves.

Allowing our fear to constrain our actions is an indicator of high self-orientation. It may seem paradoxical, but when you are silent about your accomplishments, you are putting yourself first by avoiding what you fear: being seen as arrogant or egotistical.

And it’s not just the person being silent who suffers. Managers, supervisors, leaders and stakeholders are left in the dark about the untapped talent right in front of them. When your strengths finally do come to light you will likely hear, “I wish I would have known earlier!”

Overcoming Under-promotion

The first step to addressing this challenge requires a mindset shift.  Our mindset, drives our behaviors which in turn drive our results.  It is easy to fall into the trap of believing self-promotion is a bad thing because it is “all about us” or too self-oriented. Balance out that thinking by asking yourself, “What are the benefits to others?”

If you’re still skeptical, make a list of all the things – good and bad – that might happen if you share your successes, for you and for others. It might look something like this:

Benefits Pitfalls
  • My team lead knows more about my experience
  • My teammates might hear something that helps resolve a problem they’re facing
  • My boss knows what kind of challenge I like
  • I get recognized for my contributions
  • Etc.  …
  • They might think I’m arrogant
  • They might not think I’m as good as I say
  • Etc. …

Focus primarily on what sharing your accomplishments provides others, but don’t forget to include the impact to you, as well.

Appreciate the Positive

The second step to overcoming this very common hurdle is to become aware of negativity bias, which is defined as, “Our proclivity to attend to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information.” (PositivePsychology.com).

Here’s an example:

You have worked for weeks on a big client presentation. It was a huge success… your boss and co-workers are giving you tons of praise. In response to the accolades, you bring up how the presentation slides froze for a short time. Everything else went off without a hitch, but your focus is on exaggerating the small hiccup that didn’t have much of an impact.

The next time you are in this type of situation, train yourself to stay positive with this two-step approach:

  1. FIRST, identify 3 things that went well. What are you proud of? To what did your client or teammates respond positively? When did you feel energized? Sometimes just getting through a tough presentation is a win. Sometimes it’s seeing the spark of understanding as you explain a new idea, or hearing the team start talking excitedly about how the project turned out.
  2. Next, look for what can be improved. Think about what would make your presentation better or ask your teammates for feedback. Focusing on improvement versus what went wrong is key. You can’t change what already happened, but you can learn from it.

Train your mind to go to the positive immediately, and the negative won’t take up so much headspace. This will also help you become more comfortable sharing your successes with others.

Get comfortable “Tooting Your Own Horn”

Like with any habit, it takes discipline and time to feel natural. But if you practice these two techniques, you will notice your mindset shift to, “I’m not ‘selling myself’, instead I’m sharing pertinent information that helps my boss and the leaders of the company do what is best for the entire organization.”

Of course, when it comes to advocating for yourself, it’s important to be realistic about what is self-promotion and what may be arrogance or egotism. Be self-aware and humble, and consider not just what to share, but how to talk about it.

When done in a way that comes from low self-orientation and authenticity, you can drive your career success and fulfillment, leading to greater performance for your team, the organization and your clients.

Don’t Steal Your Client’s Spotlight

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A question I often ask when running leadership development programs is, “How many of you know people who are ‘gold medal’ listeners?” Usually about one-third of the people in the audience raise their hands.

Only one-third. Less than half the room. We can – and we must – do better.

We all know people who like to talk about themselves – a lot! They usurp entire conversations, coffee breaks, dinners, and meetings talking about themselves. People who love the sound of their own voice and who desperately need to be introduced to the question mark.

The really scary part is, if you don’t know someone like that, that person may be YOU!

Hearing Others

Trusted advisors know the value of listening. Dale Carnegie (author of How to Win Friends and Influence People) has a timeless quote:

“…you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

And The Trusted Advisor author Charles H. Green offers this caution in his blog, Is Self-orientation Killing Your Trustworthiness?

When operating from high self-orientation, we do not hear others. We do not hear their questions, desires, fears, or emotions in general. The noise inside our head drowns them out.

So how do we show up as a “gold medal” listener? Like many things in trust-building, it’s a combination of having the right mindset and applying the right skills.

The Spotlight Mindset

Think about the last time you went to a live performance – a play, or a concert. There was someone behind the scenes whose job it was to make sure the performers were always in the spotlight; that they could always be seen.

While the skill of the spotlight operator is important, the spotlight itself is a tool to illuminate the performers. The attention shouldn’t be on the person running the spotlight, it’s all about the person in the spotlight.

In conversation, listening is our “spotlight.”

When we are attentive, curious and acknowledge what we hear from our clients, we allow them to feel truly seen. When we draw that attention to ourselves, on the other hand, we steal the spotlight from them.

Just like in the theatre, when our focus is on anything other than our client, they fade into the darkness.

For most of us, we aren’t even aware that we are stealing the spotlight. It’s usually the result of something we’ve done with the best of intentions. We want to connect with the other person by sharing a similar experience of our own, or we want to reassure them we are knowledgeable and capable, or maybe there’s a misunderstanding of an important point that needs to be clarified.

Connecting back to Dale Carnegie, being interested rather than interesting keeps the spotlight on the other person.

Spotlight Skills

Even with the best intentions, it’s hard to connect the right mindset to outcomes if we lack the skills. The basic skills for a client conversation are fairly simple:

Be prepared. Do some research (LinkedIn is a great resource) so you know a little bit about the person before you talk.

Slow down.  Don’t be in a rush to prove yourself, or show how funny or likeable or smart you are: your turn will come.

Be curious. Don’t take everything the client says at face value; dig into the context to truly understand what their experience is.

Ask questions. Get them talking about themselves, their goals and challenges.

Just mastering the basics should qualify you as a good listener. And for many people that’s enough.

But if you want to be a “gold medal” listener, there’s one more skill to master. Finding, and sticking to, your Ideal Listening Percentage (ILP). Your ILP is how much time you ideally want to spend listening vs. talking.

Many participants suggest for new client/initial discussion they would like to Listen 80%/Talk 20%. (Note: for a 1 hour meeting 80% is 48 minutes of listening!) Most participants also admit they are hard-pressed to stick to their ILP.

You’ll likely find your ILP varies based on the type of conversation you’re having. Exploratory is definitely a higher ratio. Responding to a specific request may warrant a lower ratio.

Whatever the right ILP is for you and your circumstances, consider it before, during, and after your conversation.

If you are having a conversation with a client – consider your ILP.

If you are having a conversation with a member of your team – consider your ILP.

If you are having a conversation with a family member or friend – consider you ILP.

If you are meeting a client with other members of your team, make sure you all agree on the ILP for the meeting.

Don’t Steal the Spotlight

The biggest challenge to keeping the spotlight on the client is our own self-orientation. It requires self-awareness and intentionality. During your next conversation, dedicate some quality “spotlight time”:

Be a “gold medal” listener.

The S Trap: Is Self-orientation Destroying Your Trustworthiness?

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Since The Trusted Advisor was first published in 2000, the most popular theme in the book has been the Trust Equation.

And within that equation, the factor that has stirred the most interest over the years has been the denominator, self-orientation. In the trust equation, since the S factor is in the denominator, a high level of self-orientation reduces trustworthiness. A low level of self-orientation serves to increase trustworthiness.

Self-Orientation Is About Focus

Self-orientation is essentially about our focus: is it on us or is it on them?

Our self-orientation is low (which is good) when our focus is on the other person, and it’s high (which is not good) when our focus is on us.

You’d think that, as people in professional services, we could confidently say our focus is nearly always on the client. If only that were true. High-self orientation creeps into our everyday interactions in all manner of sneaky and insidious ways.

The most obvious form of high self-orientation is when we are focused on our own goals/needs/desires above those of our client. Think of a stereotypical used-car salesman who will say anything to make the sale. Thankfully, because this form of self-orientation is so obvious, it is somewhat rare in professional services.

More common in professional services are the subtler, more insidious examples of high self-orientation: wanting to be right, wanting to be the one to solve the problem, subtly competing for attention and recognition, or wanting to be liked.

Taken to the extreme, this kind of high self-orientation can tip into self-obsession. Especially when we go into a situation anxious, or stressed, or lacking confidence, sometimes we just can’t get out of our own heads.

When we are so focused on what others think of us, there’s no space left for us to think about them.

High Self-orientation Diminishes Trust

When we are operating from high self-orientation, we do not hear others. We do not hear their questions, desires, fears, or emotions in general. The noise inside our own head drowns them out.

The psychology goes like this: if your level of self-orientation is low, you can pay attention to someone else. If you pay attention to someone, they experience that as caring. If someone thinks you care about them, they feel safe and are likely to trust you.

Conversely, if your attention is focused on yourself, others become acutely aware of it and infer that you do not care about them. Rightly or wrongly, they deem you less trustworthy.

We can test our S by asking ourselves if what we are saying or doing is truly in service to the relationship, vs. in service to ourselves.

Self-Orientation Does Not Mean Selfishness

Selfishness is zero-sum – I get what I want, and you do not – which is not the same as having high self-orientation. If you are selfish, you are probably pretty self-oriented. But you may also be highly unselfish, yet attached to the idea of others seeing you as unselfish. That is also high self-orientation.

Sometimes people equate low self-orientation with passivity or with willingness to give away business, cut price, or otherwise let the other party “win.” It means nothing of the kind.

A low self-orientation is critical to legitimate client focus. You cannot be focused on customers if you are obsessed with the activity in your own brain. Since client focus is a driver of profitability, this leads to a wonderful paradox: if you focus on achieving profitability by way of client focus, you will sub-optimize. Yet if you focus on the good of the client, rather than the funds you can extract from their accounts, you will achieve greater profitability – by treating it as a byproduct rather than as a goal.

Here’s a simple practical tool for avoiding high self-orientation: seek humility. That does not mean thinking less of yourself; it means thinking of yourself less.

Podcast Interview: The Importance of Trust in Remote Leadership

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Richard Hsu, Director of the Partner Practice Group, interviews Charles H. Green, on the HSU Untied Podcast, for a deep dive discussion into how leaders can refine their trust and communication skills in this new, virtual business world.

Learn how to connect with and read your team better, virtually. Understand how Intimacy and Self orientation are more important than ever.

When It Really Is “Me, Not You”

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We’ve all seen the movies, or worse still, possibly heard the words – “it’s not you, it’s me.”

A dramatic break up scene follows. We’re left in no doubt that the ‘you’ in the scenario was a) badly dealt with, and b) probably better off in the long run given that scoundrel ‘me,’ who is typically using the line as a cheap and insincere way to get out of the relationship.

But what if it’s true?

And what does that ‘breakup’ look like in the context of a business relationship? Many of us have had challenging client situations and relationships that just felt dysfunctional. And all too often we let ourselves believe that it is the other who is the problem, not our selves. The internal dialogue becomes “It’s not me – it’s you!”

It’s the reversal of the movie plot of the relationship breakdown. We start the blame game and potentially lose sight of what really happened. (And after all, what are business relationships other than just relationships with business as the context?).

My own “it really was me” moment played out over a year of frantic project delivery for a client with tight deadlines and ambitious goals; it involved a lot of shouting, mutual frustration and ultimately a breakup. Sound familiar?

I was saved from the worst of the blame game by a very astute new analyst in my consulting firm, who unknowingly helped bring the Trust Equation even more alive for me.

Was It Me or Was It Them?

I was a big advocate of the Trusted Advisor approach, and in fact had taught the material to many people over the years. I had a story for each aspect of Credibility, Reliability, Intimacy and Self Orientation. The stories were the stuff of legends (in my own mind) and I could retell them with ease.

There was one – my go-to story – about ‘the challenging client and the breakup’ that I loved telling new hires. It had shock value and impact, and often provoked great discussion on the importance of balance in the trust equation. The story could last five minutes or 25 depending on the audience and the nuances added, but always ended, “….and that is how the client ruined our trusted relationship!”

That punchline came to an ignominious end one afternoon in a session with students in Kuala Lumpur. I had talked about how to demonstrate credibility with new ideas, reliability with delivery, and intimacy through shared experiences. After I went through my final go-to story about the client’s Self-orientation, an analyst put her hand up and asked, “You’ve talked a lot about what was in it for the client, but what did you want to get out of the relationship and project?”

A great question – and one I’d never examined. I knew I hadn’t enjoyed the project (successful though it was), and I knew the client was annoyed with me at the end (again, despite the good results) – but I’d never really examined the why. I had just thought “difficult client, next assignment please.”

Her next question went deeper. “It sounds like you just wanted to get off that project and didn’t care what happened to the client.” Ouch!

The Penny Drops – It Was Me After All

That evening I played back my own recollection of events. I realised that on at least three occasions I had thought only of my own objectives. First, I had wanted the project to be a success for me; I was looking for a promotion. Next, I had omitted inviting the client to a presentation we were making to their Board (the person was on holiday, but I could have asked them regardless). Finally, I had just wanted off the project – after all, it had been draining and challenging.

None of these instances may have been showstoppers on their own, but combined it meant my self-orientation was so poor that the client would had to have been made of stone not to distrust me. All those great results, all that thought leadership and intimacy had been slowly eroded by me wanting to achieve my goals – not theirs. The relationship had begun to break down – and all at the same time my inner voice was telling me, “It’s them not you!”

What a wake-up call for me, three years of believing they were the problem!

The next time I delivered the Trusted Advisor session the story hadn’t changed – but the punchline had. Instead of the casting the client as villain and me as the poor beaten up consultant, my conclusion was, “And this is how my self-orientation ruined a perfectly good trusted relationship.”

From time to time I still see that client in airports. We both acknowledge that it was a tough assignment, but we both know now that “It wasn’t you, it was me!” isn’t just a line in the movies. It’s real. And unlike in the movies, sometimes it’s really true.

An Old Standby for a New Normal

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To say there is no shortage of COVID-19-related “best advice” out there is an understatement. Which means one thing that’s in short supply is focus. This post aims to help fill that void as we manage our new normal while also tending to our relationships, both personal and at work.

Enter The Trust Equation—a time- and recession-tested framework for personal trustworthiness (from The Trusted Advisor, by Maister, Green and Galford).

Source: The Trusted Advisor by Maister, Green, and Galford, The Free Press, 2000

Here are a few pandemic-sensitive tips on what to pay attention to, in order of priority.

Self-orientation (S). The biggest trust de-railer for us all right now is also the biggest driver of high self-orientation: fear. When it comes to trust triage in a crisis, this factor deserves the bulk of our attention.

Low self-orientation, which is what we should strive for, equates to a focus on others by (1) putting our attention on them, and (2) making choices that are motivated by their best interests, not ours. Consider it icing on the cake if there’s mutual benefit to be found.

Pandemic-induced fear can trigger our basest instincts: we default to protecting ourselves, obsess about stuff, avoid relationship risks (or any risks, for that matter), and more. Yet true trusted advisorship demands that we find ways to lead from our higher selves instead.

Here’s a starter list of simple strategies for keeping our self-orientation as low as possible:

  • Reach out to people—clients and beyond—for one simple reason – to inquire how they are. Period.
  • Make generous offers. What’s something concrete that you can give away that would be helpful right now? Think in terms of ideas, resources, even work. Bring value at a time when it’s sorely needed because you can, and because you want to make a difference. No strings attached. No. Strings. Attached.
  • Get and stay grounded. If ever there were a time to stay centered, to keep stress levels as low as possible, and to maintain perspective, that time is now. Too many professionals were already wrung out before the you-know-what hit the global fan. Whatever helps you be your best, do it and do it regularly: exercise, meditation, music, dancing, reading, cooking, art, any form of play, a gratitude practice … the possibilities may not be endless right now, but they are numerous.

Things to avoid include anything that might smack of ambulance-chasing from where they sit (even if your intentions are noble), and conversations that focus only on the task at hand. It’s fine, even good, to channel our energy into productive work right now, but not at the expense of leading with genuine caring about the people in our lives.

Intimacy (I). Intimacy equates to safety, and there are many ways to achieve it in relationships. The first two S-lowering strategies above are really two-fers as they not only demonstrate caring, but also increase intimacy by building rapport and connectedness. Here are two additional tools:

  • Listen masterfully. Treat every conversation you have right now as an opportunity to hone your empathetic listening skills. It just may be the simplest and most powerful route to building intimacy quickly.
  • Let others get to know you. Our current circumstances are a forcing function when it comes to revealing our humanity. Who hasn’t been video-bombed by a small child or a needy pet in the past week? Even journalists broadcasting live from home are making news in unexpected ways. Embrace the opportunities to give others a little insight into your life. You might be surprised at how readily and voluntarily they reciprocate.

Reliability (R). The extent to which your actions are consistent and predictable determines how reliable others deem you to be. I’d normally call this trustworthiness dimension a distant third. Absent a crisis, reliability is table stakes, and generally far too heavily relied upon by services professionals at the expense of other variables. In a pandemic, though, its relative importance increases because of our basic human need for certainty. And while none of us holds the power to answer big questions such as, “When will we be able to go to a live concert again?” we can do things like:

  • Make small promises, then routinely follow through. And when plans get derailed, that’s OK, just get in touch immediately to reset expectations.
  • Communicate, communicate, communicate.Meetings and touch-points that occur at a regular cadence provide a sense of stability, even if you don’t have new information to share.

Credibility (C). Credibility is fundamentally about words: what you say, and how you say it. Knowing stuff might be helpful to others right now, but unless you’re Tony Fauci it’s not likely to set you apart. Zero in on being honest about your limitations and errorsinstead. For example, be willing to say, “I screwed up in how I handled that,” or “I don’t know”—straightforwardly and with a blend of ego strength and humility.

It’s my first pandemic, and there’s a lot I don’t know right now. One thing I do know is that the trust equation is a simple and profound framework that offers guidance in the best of times and the worst of times.

May we all use it well.

Is It Ever OK to Recommend a Competitor to Your Client? (Episode 31) Trust Matters,The Podcast

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Welcome to the newest episode of Trust Matters, The Podcast. Listeners submit their personal questions about professional relationships, trust, and business situations to our in-house expert Charles H. Green, CEO, Trusted Advisor Associates and co-author of The Trusted Advisor. 

A tech consultant asks, “My boss wants to outsource parts of our client project to several vendors and a competitor. This gives me a gut feeling of being very wrong and deceptive. What should I do?”

Charlie offers insight for leveraging honesty and credibility as well as managing expectations.

And if you want to read more on this topic, here is a recent blog post:

Why You Should Refer Your Competitors to Your Clients

Do you want to send your questions to Charlie & Trust Matters, The Podcast?

We’ll answer almost ANY question about confusing, complicated or awkward business situations with clients, management, and colleagues.

Email: [email protected]

We post new episodes every other week.
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Trust Matters, The Podcast: The Ghosting of Business Future (Episode 27)

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This is the newest of Trust Matters, The Podcast. Listeners submit their personal questions about professional relationships, trust, and business situations to our in-house expert Charles H. Green, CEO, Trusted Advisor Associates.

The owner of a small tech consultancy talks about her recent experience being ghosted by a contractor she hired. She asks “What should I do about being ghosted?  How can I prevent this from happening again in the future?”

Want to learn more about how to handle ghosting in business? Read recent blog by Charles H. Green.

The Dark Art of Ghosting in Business

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We’ll answer almost ANY question about confusing, complicated or awkward business situations with clients, management, and colleagues.

Email: [email protected]

We’ll be posting new episodes every other Tuesday.
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