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Story Time: An Unexpected Way to Recover Lost Trust

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When it comes to trust-building, stories are a powerful tool for both learning and change. Our new Story Time series brings you real, personal examples from business life that shed light on specific ways to lead with trust. Today’s anecdote zeroes in on an unexpected way to recover lost trust and appease an unhappy client: listening.

A New Anthology

Our upcoming book, The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: A Comprehensive Toolkit for Leading with Trust (Wiley, October 2011), contains a multitude of stories. Told by and about people we know, these stories illustrate the fundamental attitudes, truths, and principles of trustworthiness. In the coming months, we’ll share a selection of stories from the new book with you.

Today’s story is excerpted from our chapter on listening. It vividly demonstrates the value of hearing someone out, resisting the temptation to problem-solve too quickly, and being willing to always do what’s in your client’s best interests—even if that means letting go of the work assignment.

From the Front Lines: Listening to Recover Trust

Catherine Gregory, Senior Principal at SRA International in its Touchstone Consulting Group in Washington, DC, tells a story of the business value of listening.

“I had a team of four working on a long-term project with an important client who especially valued seeing the same faces year after year. In the course of three months, the entire team turned over. I had to deliver the bad news as each team member departed.

“After several turnovers, my client vented to me his frustration. I listened, and then listened some more, as he expressed his concerns and aggravation. He concluded with, ‘I know you are doing all you can. I just had to get that out.’ He was still unhappy and we were able to move forward together.

“Once things were stable with the team, I brought up the possibility of phasing out our support and letting him phase in a contractor who he felt would be more reliable. He didn’t want anyone else; he wanted our team.

“This experience proved to me without a doubt that listening is a critical business skill, and a way to recover trust in the face of challenging circumstances.”

—Catherine Gregory (Senior Principal, SRA International, Touchstone Consulting Group, Washington, DC)

Who in your life is waiting for you to give them a good listening to?

Trusted Advisor Associates is Finally on Facebook

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We’ve gone and done it.

Trusted Advisor Associates is on Facebook.

We wanted to take the time to officially announce our “big opening” on Facebook. Even with the release of Google+, Facebook is still a great source for building a community within social media.

And that’s precisely what we want to continue to do.

In addition to Trust Matters, Twitter, and Google+, we’re expanding our breadth and giving out useful thoughts, advice and tips on trust in business, society and life.

On Facebook we’ve already started a few running themes and topics that distinguish our presence from what we deliver on Trust Matters.  Some new items you’ll see:

  • Trust, Treps and Twenty-somethings: new advice and information for entrepreneurs and small business-owners
  • Trust Us, It’s Good: great new recommendations spanning the arts
  • Trust-related articles, tips and advice—direct from the horse’s mouth (hint: that means from our talented team here at TAA).

So, go ahead, Like Us on Facebook today.

And, by liking our page, you will also be entered to win a copy of Charles H. Green and Andrea P. Howe’s new book The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: A Comprehensive Toolkit for Leading with Trust (Wiley, October 31, 2011).

Story Time: Leading with Trust in the C-Suite

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When it comes to trust-building, stories are a powerful tool for both learning and change. Our new Story Time series brings you real, personal examples from business life that shed light on specific ways to lead with trust. Today’s anecdote zeroes in on being trustworthy in the C-suite.

A New Anthology

Our upcoming book, The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: A Comprehensive Toolkit for Leading with Trust (Wiley, October 2011), contains a multitude of such stories. Told by and about people we know, these stories illustrate the fundamental attitudes, truths, and principles of trustworthiness. In the coming months, we’ll share a selection of stories from the new book with you.

Today’s story is excerpted from our chapter on selling to the C-suite. It vividly demonstrates the value of speaking directly, and asking questions that are simple and humble. (And if it leaves you wanting more, check out our eBook, “How to Sell to the C-Suite.”)

From the Front Lines: Asking a Simple Question

Paulo Novaes, a Senior Manager working in Mexico for a global consulting firm, tells a story about the power of asking questions.

“At the due diligence stage of selling to a global bank, I was gathering information on how they work: their existing skills and where the gaps might be. This was a company which traditionally did everything in-house, and we would be their first outsourcing partner.

“The executive in charge told me with great passion of all they had accomplished, the skills they had, and procedures they had put in place, and so on. It was impressive.

“I had to ask a simple, critical question: ‘Why do you need us?’

“Once the client recovered from his surprise, he came back with set of answers: ‘You have the experience, the methodology, the capability to add to all we have built. Also, yes, we are good, we are proud, and have reached a limit in efficiency, with what we can do by ourselves. We need an external partner to complement what we’ve done, who is able to design a solution to fit our needs.’

“The client sold himself on our services in that moment.

“What I learned: sometimes you have to ask basic questions. Simple and humble is often better. Rather than struggle to find what’s beneath the surface or between the lines, the best way to advance is to be as direct as possible—even at the risk of going against cultural norms. If you speak directly—in a polite manner and with respect—the customer will thank you. You are saving their time and getting a better result.”

—Paulo Novaes (Mexico)

That’s Paulo’s story. What makes a difference in the C-suite in your experience?

The Connector and the Catalyst: She Said, He Said

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We’re shining a spotlight on Trust Temperaments™ in our team over the next few months. Recently, I wrote about the six different temperaments we’ve identified in our research. Today, experience the temperaments in action through a conversation between a Catalyst and a Connector—our very own Charles H. Green and Andrea P. Howe.Listen in as they discuss facilitating programs and co-authoring a book.

Connectors and Catalysts

Connectors, like Andrea, are strongest in Intimacy and (low) Self-orientation. They can be described as:

  • Magnetic and caring
  • Those others trust with sensitive information
  • Seeing the world from the point of view of people

Catalysts, like Charlie, combine strong Credibility with Intimacy. They:

  • Love sparking—and gaining—new insights
  • Like to make up their own rules
  • Tend to see the world in terms of ideas

Setting the Stage

Sandy: Let’s start with workshops and presentations. You both have the same goal: to help people become powerfully trustworthy. You’re both terrific at what you do. Yet, you are very different temperaments. How do you prepare for a new workshop?

Andrea: Before the program itself, I like to build as much rapport with the people in the group as I can—through conversations, mini-focus groups, and email exchanges with participants sharing their current relationship challenges. I want every participant to get as much from the session as possible, and these connections give me a personal sense of the people I’ll be meeting as well as the issues they are facing.

As a Connector, I have a low (or favorable) Self-orientation score, and more than anything that means I manage my Self-orientation—constantly. Meeting the group as friends rather than strangers keeps my anxiety low and helps me to be fully present during a program.

Charlie: As a Catalyst, I value preparation too, but for a different reason.  I like to know in advance about the group, the industry and the participants so I can see the big picture and get a sense of the issues facing them. I really want to know what’s going on at the macro level. This lets me make the training relevant in the moment to the participants, by saying things like: “You all know what it’s like to…”

Andrea: Yes, and you’re great at that. Though I know it’s important to connect to the big picture too, I don’t naturally lead with that in my preparation; I have to be intentional about it.

The Dress Rehearsal

Sandy: Ok, it’s nearly show time and very shortly you’re on stage.  What do you do to get ready?

Charlie: It’s all about prep, and then ego deflation. I look over the agenda, check my handouts (the few that I use), and then work on calming my mind so that I can focus.  I have a sort of prayer or meditation I do before I leave the hotel. I actually get on my knees and express my gratitude for being there on that day, and remind myself I’m there not for my own ego, but to be of service to the group.

Andrea: My approach is very different, with the same goal of being present for the participants. I create a very detailed agenda, and I work a lot on timing and transitions, which I review over and over.  Then I leave the agenda behind. For me it’s like being a professional improviser: doing lots of rehearsal in order to be spontaneous on stage.

Charlie: Whatever the method, we both try to keep Self-orientation as low as possible so we can focus on personal growth—for ourselves and for every participant in the room.  That’s what leads to being a better facilitator and a stronger leader.

Curtain Up

Sandy: What’s different about how you open up a program?

Andrea: I always start with some kind of introduction with a twist—something fun, engaging, and personal that gets people talking. I want people to get to know each other—and me—so they’re comfortable taking risks and stretching outside their comfort zone.

Charlie: And I’m more willing to skip this step and jump right in.  I want to get them thinking, first and foremost. The Catalyst in me wants to spark new ideas both in and for the group.

Sandy: During a program, how do you manage the inevitable challenges of group dynamics?

Andrea: Andrea: One of the most important tools I use as a facilitator is our Name It and Claim It practice. If I lose concentration for a moment, or misunderstand someone, or say something stupid, right away I Name It and Claim It:  “Oh boy, could I have gotten that more wrong?”

Just last week, I was leading a session and completely lost the group. We had an administrative task that took all 50 people in the room completely off course. I spoke to myself (out loud, into the mic): “OK, Andrea.  Focus. Focus. Focus!” Putting my thoughts on loudspeaker that way got us all right back on track.  Several people came up to me afterward to say that they learned something valuable by watching me simply being transparent about losing the group and my own focus.

Charlie: Being transparent is the savior of any speaker, and I’ve used it hundreds of times. Here’s another spin on it: being credible means if you don’t have an answer, you say so. I still sometimes have to say, “I’ve never thought of that question, and I don’t have the answer.”  It’s also a good way to throw a question back to the group. After all, what I know is a lot less important than what they learn.

Tough Moments and Happy Endings

Andrea: As a Connector, it’s often hard for me to close off conversations when it’s time to move on. I want to give people as much time as they need to think through their issue out loud, and I want to nurture them all the way to their own insights.  That isn’t always possible in the time we have. My temperament can play havoc with my carefully planned schedule!

Charlie: And I’m happy to stop them with a one-liner—the conclusion or insight.  Sparking aha moments quickly is pure joy for a Catalyst.  I like to hit people between the eyes. For me it’s a little tougher to stay in the emotional space for too long.

Andrea: I like to hit them between the eyes while holding hands.

Charlie: Yes, that’s it exactly.  (laughing) In the end, we both get to the same result: helping participants grasp the material, generate aha moments, and take those insights into their own business and personal lives.

Sandy: Sounds like the key to success is in integrating who you are with the material you teach.

About a Book

Sandy: You recently sent the final manuscript for The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook to Wiley. As anyone who’s done it knows, writing a book is hard, and writing with another person sometimes makes it harder.

Andrea: Our different temperaments made for a stronger book in the end, but along the way the preferences of a Connector and those of a Catalyst definitely created conflict. Writing the fieldbook was natural for me in many ways because it’s all about making the trusted advisor material personal and useful to each and every reader.

Charlie: And for me, it was the hardest book I’ve ever written for that very same reason. It truly is a fieldbook— a keep-a-dog-eared-copy-with-you-at-all-times book about solving real problems. The focus is less on new insights—although there are plenty in the book—and more on translating concepts into everyday action. Not my strong suit.

Andrea: I think it’s true for everyone that working in ways that play to our natural temperament is energizing, while working against type can be exhausting. We both found this to be true with the fieldbook.

Writing the manuscript gave me an opportunity to reach out and ask people to contribute stories, to reconnect with clients old and new, to have a lot of personal interaction. It takes a village to write a book, and a Connector loves a good village!

Charlie: The exhausting part for me was the effort of working within the all-too-necessary framework of rules needed to get this book done—the standard formats, the numbered lists, the rigorous reviews.  I like to create my own rules!  Which, it turns out, is very Catalyst-like.

Andrea: You’re telling me! (laughing) You Catalysts also love a good debate; we Connectors—not so much. Going back and forth with you about chapter content, along with trying to keep things on track, definitely made for some trying times for us both.

Charlie: Would you do it again?

Andrea: Can you ask me that question in about six months?

The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: A Comprehensive Toolkit for Leading with Trust, by Charles H. Green and Andrea P. Howe can be pre-ordered between now and October 31.

How to Sell to the C-Suite

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We’re pleased to announce the release of our latest ebook: How to Sell to the C-Suite (pdf).

It’s the second in the new Trusted Advisor Fieldbook series by Charles H. Green and Andrea P. Howe.

Each ebook provides a snapshot of content from The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook, which is jam-packed with practical, hands-on strategies to dramatically improve your results in sales, relationship management, and organizational performance.

How to Sell to the C-Suite reveals:

  • What’s different about selling to C-level executives
  • A powerful 3-part preparation plan for C-suite sales
  • 9 best practices for successful C-suite selling.

Did you miss out on Volume 1 of The Fieldbook Series eBooks? Get it while it’s still available: 15 Ways to Build Trust…Fast!

Take a look and let us know what you think.

If you’re not already receiving these in your inbox, please sign up here.

Leading with Trust: Story Time

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When it comes to trust-building, stories are a powerful tool for both learning and change. Our new Story Time series invites you to pause for a time-out from your hectic day to gather ‘round for an insightful tale. Today’s anecdote sheds light on an unexpected approach to developing new business with trust.

The Magic of Stories

Stories tell the lessons of leading with trust in a vivid and memorable way. They help us make sense of what it means to trust and be trusted. Stories appeal to the heart as well as the head, they bridge the gap between differing audience types, and they provide meaning and order to our existence.

They also inspire what every leader wants—action—by providing intellectual insight into specific trust behaviors to adopt, along with the emotional motivation to do so.

A New Anthology

Our upcoming book, The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: A Comprehensive Toolkit for Leading with Trust (Wiley, October 2011), is infused with a multitude of stories. Told by and about people we know, these stories illustrate the fundamental attitudes, truths, and principles of trustworthiness. Over the next several months we’ll share a selection of stories from the new book with you.

Today’s story is excerpted from our chapter on developing new business with existing clients. It vividly demonstrates the personal nature of trust and the value of adopting a long-term view.

From the Front Lines: In It for the Long Haul

A savvy private wealth manager in Canada told me the long-term view he takes with his clients.

“I once offered to do some free investment planning for a client’s 12- and 14-year-old children. My co-worker was confused why I was wasting my time with children.

“’Are you kidding?’ I said.  I regularly meet with clients’ children and explain the concept of saving, investing and risk.  Even at the ages mentioned I have had success in making the experience relevant for the children and ultimately appreciated by the parents.

“I believe in long-term focus and relationships. While working with clients’ children has resulted in referrals (a happy outcome to be sure) that is never our primary intent. Our purpose is to build long-term relationships by continuously delivering a remarkable experience for our clients and their families.”

—As told to Charles H. Green

Excerpted from The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: A Comprehensive Toolkit for Leading with Trust by Charles H. Green and Andrea P. Howe. Order your copy today!

15 Ways to Build Trust…Fast!

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In case you missed it, here’s your opportunity to get a copy of our latest eBook, “15 Ways to Build Trust … Fast!”

It’s the first in the new Fieldbook series, celebrating the forthcoming release of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: A Comprehensive Toolkit for Leading with Trust (Wiley Books, October 31, 2011), by Charles H. Green (@CharlesHGreen) and Andrea P. Howe (@AndreaPHowe).

These eBooks are distillations of some of the content from our Fieldbook, which is designed to provide you with a complete set of tools to improve your ability to lead as a trusted advisor. “15 Ways to Build Trust … Fast!” debunks the myth that trust takes time to develop, and provides concrete tips for accelerating trust in any business relationship. Next up: selling to the C-suite—how to put the executive first, the relationship second, the sale third, and your own ego last.

If you’re not already receiving these in your inbox, please sign up here.

Don’t forget to check out our Trust Tip collection for more quick tips on building trust.

Getting Up Close & Personal with Trust Tips

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We’re about halfway through our countdown of Trust Tips leading up to the release of  “The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: A Comprehensive Toolkit for Leading with Trust,” a new book written by the two of us—Charles H. Green  and Andrea P. Howe—to be published by Wiley Books, on October 31, 2011.

We try to keep our tips applicable to nearly every workday. That way you can apply them now and see positive results quickly.

You can get the Trust tips delivered straight to your Twitter feed by following us directly (@CharlesHGreen and @AndreaPHowe) or by searching with the hashtag #TrustTip.  I’ve really been enjoying the thought-provoking discussions we’ve been having and I would encourage you to join us.

But as Twitter isn’t for everyone and as we don’t want to leave anyone out in the cold we also keep a running list of the tips here on the site—see below:

If you need to catch up, see our recaps of Tips:

Below are the most recent, Tips #80-75

#80: Two sure trust-killers: a tendency to blame, and an inability to confront

#79: Name one trigger or fault you have; decide how to coopt it

#78: Don’t interrupt. If you do, apologize. Even if you’re a New Yorker.

#77: Did you just name-drop? Why? Who did it help? Check your motives

#76: Call your client once in awhile just to find out how he/she is

#75: Reduce your APM count (acronyms per minute)

#74: If you can’t present it without PowerPoint, go work on your presentation skills

#73: Spend time in your client’s shoes–imagine what it’s like to be him/her; role play with a colleague

#72: Cultivate an attitude of curiosity–think in advance about what questions you want to ask

#71: Try doing your thinking out loud; with your client. Don’t hide it away.

A Couple of Our Favorites

#72: Cultivate an attitude of curiosity–think in advance about what questions you want to ask.

In much of our professional life, our dominant attitude is one of self-focus.  We may be worried, or excited, or intent—but in all such cases, we are self-absorbed.  But the key to success in much of our professional life is to be outward-facing, customer-focused, other-oriented. Fine, you say—but how do you do that?

One way to do it is to cultivate an attitude of curiosity. You can cultivate it by intentionally setting aside time to wonder—wonder why this situation is so, and why things work that way, and where this other thing first came from.  Wondering can lead to questions, and once you have questions, you have a great basis for an other-oriented conversation.

You can make curiosity a habit that way; a habit that results in an attitude. And an attitude results in behaviors that are client-focused.  Your clients will notice.

#80: Two sure trust-killers: a tendency to blame, and an inability to confront

Phil McGee coined this one, and we love it.  Blame—the tendency to deflect bad news onto others, while disproportionately taking credit ourselves.  Blame violates several principles—it is greedy and self-oriented, but it is also deceitful, since it incorrectly assigns responsibility.

The flip side is an inability to confront.  If you can’t constructively confront issues, you can’t speak the truth.  And if you can’t speak the truth, you can’t be trusted.  Note that you don’t have to be brutal to be a truth-teller, that’s not much better than sugar-coating.  But with good intent and careful communication, you can nearly always speak to any issue truthfully.

If you can do that, you can be transparent, open, and have direct and powerful conversations with everyone.  And if you can constructively confront, by the way, there is no longer much reason to blame.

 

Zooming In on 9 New Trust Tips

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We’re lighting up the twittersphere with a series of daily Trust Tips, counting down the work days until our upcoming book, “The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: A Comprehensive Toolkit for Leading with Trust” is released–October 31, by Wylie Books.

The Trust Tips are concise, practical, and free. They’re published every Monday through Friday, providing easy-to-implement ways to increase your trustworthiness and build better relationships.

Find snippets of insight on Twitter by using the hashtag, a.k.a. pound sign, followed by TrustTip, like this: #TrustTip.  Or go straight to the source by finding us on Twitter at @AndreaPHowe and @CharlesHGreen. We’ve had some good discussions on Twitter and would love to hear from you. We also keep a running tab of all the Trust Tips right here on our site.

See our prior Trust Tips recaps:

Trust Tips Recap: #89-81

#TrustTip 89: Extend yourself—e.g. invite your client to meet you outside of work, share a meal.

#TrustTip 88: Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.

#TrustTip 87: Find out how your project team defines success & how you can help them achieve it.

#TrustTip 86: Don’t jump to problem-solving–slow yourself down by counting, taking notes, vocalizing expectations.

#TrustTip 85: Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less. Be humble.

#TrustTip 84: Being right is vastly over-rated; we don’t care if you’re right unless you’ve first heard us.

#TrustTip 83: Be self-deprecating, it is a form of graciousness.

#TrustTip 82: Confront issues as they arise—being preoccupied w/ them keeps your attention on your own preoccupation.

#TrustTip 81: Answer direct questions with direct answers.

Closeup on Three Favorites

#TrustTip 89: Extend yourself—e.g. invite your client to meet you outside of work, share a meal. A lot of people confuse intimacy in business relationships with being social, when they’re not the same thing. This tip is less about the meal and more about expanding the scope of your relationship beyond typical professional boundaries. It’s easier for someone to trust you when they can relate to you. Let others in. Talk about something other than what’s on the work agenda. Be a person, not just a pro.

Jim Peterson (@rebalancejim) had an interesting take on this Trust Tip. His suggestion: “Do better–invite your adversary.” There’s a boundary-breaking idea!

#TrustTip 88: Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. I borrowed this from a heading in Charlie’s second book, Trust-Based Selling. It’s one of my very favorite lines. Often we mistake being trustworthy with being perfect, or with doing and getting things right most of the time. While it’s certainly important to be competent for people to trust you, it’s equally if not more important to be trustworthy by being authentic. I know I’m more likely to trust someone who’s genuinely flawed—with the confidence and humility to admit it—than someone who comes across as faultless, or who tries too hard.

Consider the business value of integrity—being who you claim to be at all times to all people.

#TrustTip 84: Being right is vastly over-rated; we don’t care if you’re right unless you’ve first heard us. Trust and influence go hand-in-hand. The more someone trusts you, the more likely he is to be influenced by you. In the business of advice-giving, it is not enough to be right—you have to earn the right to be right. The key to getting your advice taken has little to do with the content of the advice you give and everything to do with the context of how you listen to others. Fundamentally, you earn the right to be right by listening first. The act of listening itself creates relationship and trust.

That’s my take, anyway. What’s yours?

Share the wealth; tell others about #TrustTip—new tips posted every weekday at 8:30AM, every week until book publication.

We Want Your Stories in Our Book: Enter the Trusted Advisor Fieldbook Story Contest

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As announced two weeks ago, we (Andrea P. Howe and Charles H. Green) are writing a book, The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook, to be published by Wiley Books in November. True stories are a critical part of a practical book like that, and we’ve got a ton.

But we’re still short 3-5 stories: namely, the top 3-5 stories from you, the thoughtful and insightful readers of Trust Matters.

So we’re announcing a small contest–please send us Your Great Story about trust in business or organizations. See guidelines below.

If you’re in the Top 3-5, we’ll include your story (mentioning you as source, of course) in the book. In addition to Everlasting Fame, you’ll get a full set of all Charlie’s books, autographed, including the new Trusted Advisor Fieldbook (autographed by both Charlie and Andrea).

If we don’t choose your trust story as among the Top 3-5, we’ll still enter you in a drawing for a free copy of The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook; we will give out one free book for every seven entrants. And even more still, submitted stories that do not get chosen for the book may still get published in the blog Trust Matters.

We realize those are not great extrinsic motivators; the main reason you’d contribute is to share your insights with others. We’d like to get you a great audience for your story that you might not otherwise receive.

———–

Guidelines for Entries:

1. Deadline for entries is 9PM EST, May 13, 2011

2. Send your story in any digital format to ahowe-at-trustedadvisor-dot-com

3. Your story should be no longer than 400 words.

4. The story should be about an experience that you personally had or witnessed–no re-hashes of previously published stories.

5. Subject matter: Any story reflecting an aspect of trust in business or organizational life. Settings could include sales, customer relationships, internal politics, recruiting, reputation–to name a few. Subjects could include trust and risk, trustworthiness, trusting and not trusting, the trust equation components, the process of trust creation, trust recovery–to name a few. For further examples, take a quick skim through back blogposts on Trust Matters, like here, and here, and here, and here, and here.

6. We may (probably will) further edit any stories you provide, but we will review those edits with you; we will only publish what you’re comfortable with.

You’ve been part of our blog for so long; now be part of our book.