March 2010
What Introductions Can Teach Us About Trust
by Charles H. Green on Wednesday, December 9, 2009 (post #610)
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I’m in Washington, D.C. this week, giving a Being Trusted Advisors training session along with the rest of our staff. There is an exercise I like around introductions.
Rather than the usual ‘let’s go around the table and introduce ourselves,’ we ask people to quickly state their company (or title/role if it’s an internal training), followed by two questions:
1. Tell the group how many months you’ve been with (company name), and
2. Tell the group an interesting tidbit or factoid about yourself—something a little bit unusual, quirky, interesting, not an every-day business fact about yourself.
I ask everyone in the room in random order to quickly answer the two questions. The debrief is then: why do you think I asked us to take X minutes doing this?
The usual answers are to establish a group identity, to begin creating trust, to get people focused in on the room. True, true, and true.
Then I'll stand behind one person and ask the group: “how many months was Joe here with his company?” A few people remember; often they remember different numbers.
I'll then ask, “What was Joe’s interesting tidbit or factoid?”
The whole group responds immediately: “Arrived late to his own wedding,” or “chickened out parachuting last weekend,” or whatever.
We have a good time with that one, talking about why we remember personal tidbits more than we remember data. But what’s really interesting is: so what?
What should we do with the observation that people remember personal quirks and stories and anecdotes more than they do objective data?
What should a client relationship manager do with that observation? A salesperson? An accountant?
What should you do with that observation?
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Charles H. Green is founder and CEO of Trusted Advisor Associates LLC; read more about Charlie at http://trustedadvisor.com/cgreen/
You can follow him on twitter @CharlesHGreen
posted in Trust in Leadership Development and Strategy, Trust-based Selling, Building Trusted Advisors
peter vajda said
www.spiritheart.net
Personally, I don't think one has to "do" anything, i.,e., "act."
What might be supportive is, upon hearing the disclosure, take a deep breath, sense inside yourself and then sense the space between you and that individual, first when you hear the "time with organization" item and then when you hear the "personal" item. My experience is, with the former, the space feels cold, cool, empty, or distant and with the latter, warm(er), less distant, soft(er). Perhaps even sensing your breath with the two disclosures. See where your breath is...throat or belly/abdomen. The higher it is, the more stressed one is; the lower, the more relaxed. When we open up with one another, we tend to become more relaxed. We let our guard down a bit and become less defended.
Usually with the first, yes, there can be a common, unspoken "so what?" response. With the second, often there's an unspoken "hmm" and this "hmm" is one way into connection and communion with another.
As you suggest, self-disclosure is a first step towards allowing one's vulnerability and being vulnerable is a first step towards building trust.
I might also suggest having the participants take 5-10 seconds between the two disclosures so others have time to take it in and integrate it and consciously experience how it resonates.
posted on Wednesday, December 9, 2009