July 2009
Trust Tip 13: Giving Speeches, Listening Skills
by Charles H. Green on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 (post #10)
Suppose you had to give a speech. To which audience would you rather present?
The NSA might sound the most intimidating. Then again, they’d probably empathize.
Microsoft would probably be the worst—doing email and blackberries throughout.
Which makes me think, “hey, the ILA would probably be a great audience!”
Yes, there is such a group (the other two also exist, but that’s another post). Ever wonder where people get those statistics about “X% of what people hear is non-verbal,” or “Y% of people’s time is spent communicating …” You can find it here.
How about a new book titled “Sex, Politics and Religion at the Office.” It’s by John Boogaert and Douglas Noll, who say, “create a sustainable competitive advantage in your company with sex, politics and religion.” Attention-getting title, to be sure, but their thesis also makes sense; organizations that are scared to talk about combustible issues will fail.
A Key Competitive Advantage: Listening
And guess what one key is to that competitive advantage? That’s right, listening. Not a connection I had made by that route before—but I buy it.
But don’t listen to me, google “listening skills” yourself. You’ll get lots of practical advice. Listen for content not style. Engage in eye contact. Mirror body language. Stay active by asking open-ended questions. Sit near the front. Be responsive. Understand your own style. Listen with a purpose. Be interested. Look for non-verbals. And so on.
It’s all good on some level, but here’s my number 1 recommendation—part 1 of a 2-parter. It’s based on the assumption that a lot of what passes for listening is really just waiting for the other person to finish and shut up so we can start looking smart again.
Part 1 is do nothing but pay attention. Nothing. We’re way beyond no blackberries. Don’t think about body language. Don’t think about your next question. Don’t think about the implications of what you’re hearing. Don’t—think. Just. Pay. Attention.
Paying attention is paying respect. Attention is a scarce resource—we all crave it. To pay attention is to give a scarce gift. Empathy, caring, understanding, problem-solving, diplomacy, selling—all start with paying attention. IF you listen by paying attention, others will then pay attention to you—it’s a reciprocity thing. And it is a choice you have the power to make. You don’t have to play that other game.
Part 2 answers, “but how do I stop thinking about all that stuff so that I can pay attention?” Check back in a week for that one; there is an answer.
Charles H. Green is founder and CEO of Trusted Advisor Associates; read more about Charlie at http://trustedadvisor.com/cgreen/
You can follow him on twitter @CharlesHGreen
posted in Building Trusted Advisors
will said
BANG ! You nailed it, Charlie !
If you try to listen to a person, while reminding yourself to focus on body language, reminding yourself content versus style, you'll do your "listening" checklist.
But you won't be listening. You'll be interfering with listening.
You can try too hard to listen.
Listening is like breathing, you have to allow it to be natural. like breathing if it is not natural, then something is blocking, but sometimes the cure is worse then the problem.
Watchng the breath while allowing it to be natural, is one of the most tricky things in the world. Why? Because of the nearly irresistable urge to control it.
Listening is the same. the trick is to forget yourself while not losing consciousness, and do it without trying to control it. That means you also have to give up the worry about missing part of it, or getting it wrong. Paying attention is a form of self-forgetting, a positive one.
posted on Wednesday, November 1, 2006