September 2008
A Better New Year's Resolution
by Charles H. Green on Saturday, December 30, 2006 (post #44)
My unscientific sampling says many people make New Year's resolutions, but few follow through. Net result—unhappiness.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
You could, of course, just try harder, stiffen your resolve, etc. But you’ve been there, tried that.
You could also ditch the whole idea and just stop making resolutions. Avoid goal-failure by eliminating goal-setting. Effective, but at the cost of giving up on aspirations.
I heard another idea: replace the New Year’s Resolution List with a New Year’s Gratitude List. Here’s why it makes sense.
First, most resolutions are about self-improvement—this year I resolve to: quit smoking, lose weight, cut the gossip, drink less, exercise more, and so on. All those resolutions are rooted in a dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs—or with oneself.
In other words: resolutions often have a component of dissatisfaction with self. For many, it isn’t just dissatisfaction—it’s self-hatred. And the stronger the loathing of self, the stronger the resolutions—and the more they hurt when they go unfulfilled. It can be a very vicious circle.
Second, happy people do better. This has some verification in science, and it’s a common point of view in religion and psychology—and in common sense. People who are slightly optimistic do better in life. People who are happy are more attractive to other people. In a very real sense, you empower what you fear—and attract what you put out.
Ergo, replace resolutions with gratitude. The best way to improve oneself is paradoxical—start by being grateful for what you already have. That turns your aspirations from negative (fixing a bad situation) to positive (making a fine situation even better).
Gratitude forces our attention outwards, to others—a common recommendation of almost all spiritual programs.
Finally, gratitude calms us. We worry less. We don’t obsess. We attract others by our calm, which makes our lives connected and meaningful. And before long, we tend to smoke less, drink less, exercise more, gossip less, and so on. Which of course is what we thought we wanted in the first place.
But the real truth is—it wasn’t the resolutions we wanted. It was the peace that comes with gratitude. We had mistaken cause for effect.
Go for an attitude of gratitude. The rest is a positive side-effect.
Postscript: the article in the NYTimes on 7 January titled Happiness 101 suggests that gratitude is the most effective "strategy" of many studied in engendering happiness.
Charles H. Green, author of Trust-Based Selling and co-author of The Trusted Advisor, is a consultant and speaker on trust issues for some of the world's best companies. He has written about trust in business relationships at Trust Matters since 2006. Read more...
posted in Trust in Leadership Development and Strategy, Trust-based Selling, Building Trusted Advisors
Andrea Howe said
www.bossanovaconsulting.com
What a perfect way to start the new year.
I have used a regular gratitude practice over the past six months and the results are nothing short of remarkable. My add-on suggestion: be sure to list (or think about) what you are especially grateful for in relation to the things you most want to "fi&xquot; in your life. For example, if you want more financial prosperity: "I am grateful for my checking account balance of $450.50." If you are unhappy with your body: "I am grateful for my skinny arms and strong calves." If you are wishing for a new love relationship in your life: "I am grateful for my loving friendships with <fill in names here>."What I refer to as "spontaneous appreciation calls" — phone calls out of the blue to people you especially value in your life, sharing with them something specific about how they have impacted your life in a positive way — not only completely boost your own mood (and therefore your ability to attract positive things into your life), but usually make someone else's day/week/month. And what could be more important in life than that?
By the way, your post refers to what quantum physicists have been trying to tell us for years. :)
posted on Sunday, December 31, 2006